The Last Week

The last week or so has been about India’s Daughter – its ban in India, BBC releasing it on Youtube, numerous posts about freedom of expression and even more about how the documentary shames India. Personally, I have been having discussions (I would still call it discussions and not arguments) about the same at various platforms – face to face, over email, over Facebook – well, everywhere and I wondered what about this documentary and the entire last week troubled me the most. I might start blabbering now, so you can choose to continue or stop reading since you know what this post will be about – you have the choice, you see. Atleast for now.

I do have issues with the documentary. I am not completely fond of it. There are areas which even I don’t agree with. To begin with – the name itself. India’s Daughter. Yes, its again the bracket of a daughter, a sister, a wife! She is not an independent girl who dreams – she’s a daughter who dreamt of being a doctor. Not a woman. But a daughter. Looks like even Udwin knew the strength of patriarchal labels in our country. Further, the way the documentary was being promoted at all mediums and forum! To begin with, when I saw the promos, I thought it was only about Mukesh and what he thought. But the documentary definitely had more than that, which was not highlighted, and hence the subsequent ban on the same. But I also think, by promoting it in that manner, they got the attention they wanted to.

I am not aware clearly of the legal aspects which were broken by the filmmakers during the shoot and post, but wasn’t it our government and our Tihar jail officials who let them enter the space first with the camera? Would an Indian journalist be allowed to do the same – I wonder.

What troubled me the most about the last week were the many people who stood by the Government’s decision on imposing a ban on the documentary. Let’s get one thing straight – rapes are happening in this country at an intensity which scares each and every one of us – the documentary did not show anything new which we didn’t know. The problem (for some was) that it was a little too clear a reflection of what’s happening in our country. In the past few months, haven’t some of our politicians, religious leaders, people in power said almost the same thing what Mukesh said in the documentary – why wasn’t there such an outburst then? Why wasn’t an action taken in such a haste against those statements? In many circles, what women should wear, what women should eat and not eat, who should women go out with, at what time should she come back home seem to be the new conversation starter like politics used to be earlier! Why then the anger only towards the documentary – may be because it just shows out in the open what many people are actually thinking! India is not filled with rapists. I agree. But when National Crime Records Bureau of India states that 93 women are raped everyday in India – where is our outburst and anger then? And by the way, this number is only the reported cases. In a country where the rape is blamed on the victim for all the spectacular reasons (clothes, time, person she was with, person she was not with, food… I can go on), there are many cases which go unreported because once a girl is raped, her life is over. Period. And what about the rapist? Well, he can continue with his life. Like the lawyers in the documentary said – she deserved it, and the rapist just gave her what she deserved. Simple.

We shouldn’t be crying about who made this documentary. May be this documentary created that stir again which was there two years ago. Where did it die now?

We should be angry that such cases continue to happen. It did not stop with Nirbhaya. Did it? It did not stop with Mukesh! We should be angry that there are still people out there who think its their responsibility to teach women lesson who are out at nights, wearing what they want, doing what they want. We should be angry that we have lawyers  (who are still practising) who say that “We have the best culture. In our culture, there is no space for a woman” with such conviction! What we should be really angry is not about a documentary causing us national shame but rapes in real!

 

 

 

The August | The Fifteenth |

Riding to work today, the road was full of colours. Colours of our country with people trying to make a living with the national flag on this Independence Day. I took 20 minutes to reach today, unlike the usual 45 minutes to one hour. The roads were empty, with only few people.. with rest at home enjoying a nap, or watching the speech on the numerable television channels (unlike earlier times when it was only on DD).

I want to feel happy, and I am happy as well, but well, who are we kidding to? All of us know the truth. I can be proud of a hundred things, but also pissed off about the million others!  It’s the perspective, they say.

So what’s your perspective for August 15?

Alone and/or happy

Wo(man) is a social being. Well, at least that’s what ought to be. Some are a little too social for their own good, and some a little too less. You need someone to cry by your death bed, they say. But what if it’s much easier to die alone?

You meet people, you like them or not. If you don’t like them, then that’s the end to the story. But if you do like them, you build your bond. You build that trust. And if you like them a lot, you do everything so possible,which you never did before. Why? Cause you want to. Cause the people are important and it’s okay to stretch yourself for them… Wait, what’s it called ‘unconditional love’, they say!

So you do what you think you can do and let yourself in or may be drown in the feeling!!!

Love. It is about that one person. But it’s also about the other people who make you what you are today.

So do I like ‘the people’?
Yes I do.
So can I live without ‘the people’?
No I cannot.
Then how do I stay happy?

Alligator, I miss you!

(From Grey’s Anatomy)

There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t ’cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.

It’s okay…

Waiting at the bus stop to catch a bus I was listing down things in my head about what all I need to tell you. There’s so much to tell today.

I had to tell you about my learner’s license test. About how the person who took my test thought my Kannada was of ‘okay’ standards considering I was a malayali, and how he wanted to know I got married to a kannadiga, if he had more time. I wanted to tell you that I had bought this traffic sign chart at the stationary on the ground floor and read it till my turn for the test came. By the way, I didn’t buy it first but say everyone having a copy of it and reading it thoroughly.

I wanted to tell you that I feel good that I got selected to represent the station in the conference. I wanted to tell you that the conference is for women broadcasters only and that it will be for four days…

I wanted to tell you that today, even though I worked, I didn’t feel too tired like on my usual days. I had so much energy when I was waiting for you to come back home so that I could blabber my heart out to you..

I had so much energy but now I am tired. I just want to sleep with my eyes closed knowing that you are there, knowing that you are fine, knowing that this will be something which will disappear when I open my eyes tomorrow…

… and trying to accept that it’s okay to have days like this also when I sleep knowing that I didn’t tell you all this, and much more today!

It’s okay to have days like this.
It’s okay…

| the blue cap |

For the past few days, my relationship with my plastic bottle has become intense, especially due to the fact that my most trusted source of ‘clean’ drinking water aka my department water cooler has been dysfunctional. So, now, me and my bottle take a walk till the dance department during the working hours, and we visit the creative creations in the fine arts department post 5pm.

Sitting now in the hostel, I look around and I see that I have three different mineral water brands in my room – Aquafina, Bisleri and Kinley. Oh, there’s a fourth one as well, Bailley. Just out of curiosity, I wanted to check how many bottle water companies are there in India, the most popular ones, and definitely their tag lines. So, my statutory warning about what the post is about just got done, continue only if you want to know more about bottled water!

Bisleri Stay Protected

Bailley The fountain of youth

Kinley Vishwas Karo (it once had the popular boond boond mein vishwas tagline)

Aquafina Pure water. Perfect taste

Himalaya Live natural 

Qua Natural water for natural renewal

And definitely the Indian Railways water bottle 🙂

 

Free Will and the Modern State – our first documentary!

| abc and the words |

[ Inspired after trying to decipher what a speaker was trying to say for 3 hours + some moments of frustration with words + a quote which just seem to have caught my attention. ]

Since the time you were born and could keep your head in the same position all by yourself, your amma, pa, grandmom and grandpa (maternal and paternal) want to hear you utter something. They try their best in their baby talk language to make you say words, and well, in the beginning, all what comes out are actually sounds. So, anyways, you repeat some sounds from aaaahhh to naaaaaaa (or anything on those lines which makes no sense whatsoever combined with that awwww yielding smile) and your entire family is announcing that you will start talking soon. And then, finally, the day arrives when you say either amma or daddy or how ever people keep repeating those sounds to you, innumerable times!

 

Fast forward.

Sitting in those early years of schools, you start saying the alphabets. No, actually you start singing them. Remember?

And then you reach from three letter words to five and then to sentences and finally to paragraphs. Yes, you start reading and writing and well, talking. Talking not just in one, but may be a minimum two languages if you are brought up in a place which is not your native.

Fast fast forward.

You are sitting in your literature class trying to get a bachelors degree, writing essays and focusing on your public speaking skills. You read all what is prescribed, and also stuff which is not.

But for what? So that in a group you can communicate

Communication. Well, you are supposed and you are claimed to be a social animal. So when you see another social animal, who you know, you are expected to or you just spontaneously start talking. And when you don’t know the social animal in front of you – you either stare at him/her, look at the ceiling, make a phone call, or well you smile. You’re still communicating something to that stranger.

So, you learn how to communicate for years and years and years, and you’ll still continue to learn it more, but there are moments when it doesn’t happen the way you want to, when it seems impossible to communicate. You hunt for words, or sometimes you may have all the words, but you do not know what you want and what you want to say or ask (which for me are the most irritating times).

Sometimes, the language isn’t the right one.

Sometimes, the person isn’t the right one.

And sometimes, you just don’t seem to get the right words.

Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need. (From grey’s anatomy)

 

| with those songs…|

Everyone remembers a song or two by Jagjit Singh, be it from a film, or from his album, or something you heard somewhere! I don’t remember how I have these 10 odd songs by him in my laptop, but I have them. I remember my mutacha and even my ma listening to his cassettes in that tape recorder of ours. His songs are not the ones which one remembers all the time, but definitely ones which are there somewhere in the corner of your mind. Woh kagaz ki kashti remains by favourite, even now. Another song I can think of is Aisi aankhen nahi dekhi, a duet with Asha Bhonsle.

And today, when I read about his demise, I automatically searched for the song, and I found it there. It was there, and I wasn’t surprised about that.

Thank you for the songs. Actually, thank you for the way you sang them!

Ye Daulat Bhi Le Lo, Ye Shohrat Bhi Le Lo

Bhale Cheen Lo Mujhse Meri Jawaani

Magar Mujhko Lauta Do Bachchpan Ka Saawan

Wo Kaagaz Ki Kasthi Wo Baarish Ka Paani

 

Mohalle Ki Sabse Purani Nishaani

Wo Budhiya Jise Bachche Kehte The Naani

Wo Naani Kee Baaton Mein Pariyon Ka Dera

Wo Chehre Ki Jhuriyon Mein Sadiyon Ka Phera

Bhulaaye Nahin Bhool Sakta Hai Koi

Wo Choti Si Raatein Wo Lambi Kahaani

 

Kadi Dhoop Mein Apne Ghar Se Nikalna

Wo Chidiya Wo Bulbul Wo Titli Pakadna

Wo Gudiya Ki Shaadi Pe Ladna Jhagadna

Wo Jhoolon Se Girna, Wo Gir Ke Sambhalna

Wo Pithal Ke Challon Ke Pyaare Se Taufe

Wo Tuti Hui Chudiyon Ki Nishaani

 

| erase to move on? |

For me the phrase “Forgive and Forget” seems quite strange. I’ve heard that phrase way too many number of times for me to associate even little seriousness to it. Leave alone seriousness, but even to consider it. It’s actually a little hilarious to be when people come up and say those words. All what goes on my mind when I hear some one say is Seriously?????

It doesn’t go together for me. It might for some, but not for me. And I think there are many around me for whom it doesn’t go together, and I have no logical reason as to why. Forgiving is a big thing. It is. And it’s very possible for someone to forgive a person one loves, and move on. But forgetting is something which takes time. It doesn’t happen within seconds, or minutes, or even days. We all know that? Don’t we? Atleast I do. You try erasing some memories from your mind when you want to forget, well, that doesn’t go as planned. You would have forgiven the person, but some day, at some point, that one thing you wanted to forget about him/her comes back to you. Haunts you for some time, and then goes away. Well that ‘going away’ part is what keeps life going on! The haunting might be there, but not always. Some more time is all that is needed. You move on from that point, with a little bit of baggage, which will soon go away!

I don’t think its even related here,but the demise of my junior (whom I didn’t know much about) reminded me of certain aspects of this forgetting and forgiving. People move on with time. My juniors are trying. Everyone moves on. Everyone has to move on, that’s the rule. You move on cause you have new moments waiting for you!

You still remember the moments you spend with him, the jokes you shared and the fun you had, but you move on, holding on to those memories cause erasing everything from the slate might not be the only solution to be happy. Sometimes, just holding on to those memories makes it more worthwhile!

| over that cup of coffee…|

It’s amazing when you sit and think what all has happened in your life over a cup of coffee, and be it in any town, city, state or country. A cup of coffee, seems to be so simple when you hear it but when I think, it seems to be getting more complex than that. All the people we get to know, all the people we become friends with, all the amazing gossip we share, all the random discussions we engage with, and all that amount of money we spend!

Bangalore had many of those usual coffee joints which are there in many of the cities – the Baristas, the Coffee days. And after few years came the Cuppas and the Gloria Jeans..I wonder how many came to those coffee shops because they wanted to have a cup of coffee. I remember entering and sitting in one of those cafes with a cup of coffee chit chatting with a pal for hours together, even though it meant a little too expensive coffee for the pocket. But it was for some time with a friend, after all. One of the favourite spots for many from my college was Brew Ha ha. Well, it was one of those first places which served coffee, had load of space for people – especially mats on the floor with cushions and pillows and the reason it was so popular was again cause it let you be with friends and play all these weird games which were completely hilarious (taboo, twister,etc.). So again, we went there cause it was a place where we could sit and spend time,especially when we had no place (or because we had no other place since many of us stayed in hostels!) And definitely, how can I forget Kalmane – that all affordable coffee shop for college students 🙂 (filter coffee at Rs.20). So some of  these places were more elite I would say. When we had money to spend, we went to Brew ha Ha, and when we dint, we sipped our coffees at Kalmane. It din’t matter which place it was to be honest. What mattered was who was next to you, and what were you sipping through!

But then there were other places – places which have existed for years, and where a different kind of conversation takes place, where you don’t go exactly with a group of friends to chit chat or gossip and I have no idea why – the India Coffee House in MG Road (which is closed now). This place had a charm of its own – old unpainted walls, those typical ‘glass’ glasses in which tea was served, simple nimbu pani without any of those masalas and a feel that can never be present in any other coffee place! I remember my first visit to that place – to meet a independent documentary maker , and since then, fell in love with, especially, the environment. Again, it was with that cup of coffee.

I got to know many of my friends over that cup of coffee – whether it costed 20 or 70 (70 on the beginning of the month to be honest)! I have stood outside staring at people so that they would empty the table . I have talked and burst my top off on issues that made me mad over that cup of coffee. And I have laughed so loudly that people actually have turned and stared at my friends and me, over that cup of coffee.

Coffee seems to be much more than caffeine! Doesn’t it? =)